Less than 8 hours after our first date, the Republican started
texting me at 5:30 in the morning asking me if he would see me at swim practice in the morning. I was up at 5:30 for the specific purpose of going to swim practice, so I don't need to be
texted about it. Seriously. What the fuck? I'm tired, am already up to exercise, and I don't want to chit chat about it.
Then he starts texting me that he's waiting for the pool to open and he's reading some newspaper article about the zoo. Again, WTF? This guy needs to get out more.
That night, we were supposed to go to a Giants baseball game. I spent all day trying to get out of it, and I could have just said I don't want to go. However, I felt this was a tricky situation because I see the guy at morning practice EVERY DAY. And, I wasn't sure if he was nuts or not yet, and you don't want to piss of the crazies immediately as you never know how they will retaliate. So, I went on the goddamn date. I regret this moment. I should have grown a pair and told him to get lost. (I did after this date.)
So, we are scheduled to meet at a pub before the game. I am about 1 minute late and he texts me, "Where are you?" Telling him I was nearly there, I immediately get another text from him saying, "Do you think we have chemistry?" At this moment, I contemplated just having the cab driver turn around and take me home, but again, he's on my MF-ing swim team. That bastard. I can't just ditch him and stop answering his calls. So, I respond, "Um, I think it's waaay to soon to tell." He replies, "I agree, just checking." Just checking? Just checking? Yeah, okay, Mr. Crazy.
So we have a couple of beers and then head to the game. We have great seats right behind the dugout, which is the only good part of this date. Then comes a moment that is making my top lip curl as I write this. The kiss camera came on. Yup, the mother fucking kiss camera. The Republican looks at me and says, "Shall we?" I thought we would just peck, but here we go again with the tongue. Gross. Yes, I kissed him back. I would rather kiss this awful man than have him staring at me with sad puppy dog eyes the whole night wondering why I won't kiss him. (And, knowing this guy, he probably would have asked me why I wouldn't kiss him - or texted me about it.) I have to skip going into this in detail, because I just ate dinner and really don't want to relive this horrible moment. The rest of the game, he held my hand, which is just as bad as the kiss. I mean, the entire game, and 9 innings is a long time for that. Blech.
On the train home, he put his arm around my shoulders. I just can't deal with that. He wouldn't stop touching me. I felt like I was being pawed the entire date. The 3-4 hours we hung out, I just wanted to get home. He walks me home, pecks me on the cheek, and as I walk in my front door, close it, lock it, and double lock it, I did that whole body shiver accompanied by a loud, "Aggghhhh!" I believe this is called "the willies". I was so happy this date was over.
For the next few days, he continued to text. After these two dates, we actually had to have a "break up" talk. I canceled a lunch on him, and he asked if I was having "second thoughts about us?" US? US? Who said anything about us? Creepy. That is just too manys "we's" and "us's". Do men think all women want to be married at the end of date two? Do men think we don't need space and that we all are dying to be in a relationship with any man? That's crazy talk. We'd like to be in the right relationship with the right person, not just the next Joe Blow. The Republican's actions screamed that he wanted to be in a relationship with anyone and right now. That clingy behavior scares the crap out of me, and most smart women I know. Let's at least get to know each other before we act "couple-y" alright? Dang, yo.
Okay, so I ended it with Republican. For a few weeks after, we just said polite hellos at swim practice. Now we say nothing, which makes me deliriously happy. The last contact we had was a text message. I texted him (yes, I contacted him) to ask him if he was going to an open water race I was entered in. (I was trying to cover my bases here and be prepared in an awkward situation in case we actually had to talk at an event.) He said he wasn't going, but then he texted me this... Out of the blue he wrote, "I am with my parents right now and I told them you are hot. They are really happy for us." (There he goes again with using the word "us".) I replied, "I wasn't aware the was an "us". He said, "Don't worry, I cc'd you on that email." Hilarious, you nut bag. Fucking hilarious. That's the last contact I had with The Republican. What a strange ending. And, since I have now moved, I will never see him again. Hopefully. Unless he's hiding outside in the bushes. Please don't be hiding in my bushes.
